Friends of Justice and the Eternal Struggle for Goodly Goodness!
Ugh, what happened last night. I woke up with the WORST hangover of my life. Vlade probably feels the same. Except that lucky bastard got some action last night with the second hottest islander in the village. But maybe that’s just the booze talking. She could have been a total uggo I guess. Now that I think about it, maybe that’s why he was trying to crawl out of the hut… Last night I thought he was trying to shut the door to keep perverts from peeping in on him, so I jammed the door shut so that no one could bother him.
I think I have vomit in my hair. I’m gonna go wash it out in the ocean.
Later the same Day
OH EM GEE! I got a new girlfriend! The whole tribe set her up to be a sacrifice to the mighty Kong. I have to admit, I got swept up in the moment and started the ritual chant to get the giant ape to appear. But After I saw the monster take the girl I immediately realized what was going on, and I am not cool with sacrifices. Without even thinking I pulled out my rope and just dropped my grapple hook and jumped. I’m actually kind of lucky that it caught on to something on the wall and I didn’t die.
We tracked Kong’s giant footprints through to his cave, battling dinosaurs on the way. Not to mention that filthy bug queen and her army of insects. I’m not one to be a coward (mostly), but she almost killed us! Anyway, we were able to sneak into Kong’s cave. He was sleeping on a big rise in the rocks with the girl in his hands. She was asleep too. I looked back at my companions, and they seemed to expect just me to rescue her.
I sneaked up to where the beast was sleeping and there she was. My new girlfriend. The most beautiful woman in the tribe. I woke her up with a gentle touch, and calmed her instantly. And that’s when I saw it. Something even more beautiful than the girl! A treasure chest on the other side of sleeping Kong. I told her to wait in sign language (which I know), and strolled calmly past the beasts head and picked the lock. Stupid chest only had a stupid piece of paper in it. Well, I tried to pull the old shaving cream trick on the sleeping giant by tickling his face with my bed roll. That, however, is when my luck ran out, and Kong’s giant eyes shot open.
We fought long and hard and penetrated deep. What? Kong went so far as to practically bring the whole mountainous cave down around us. The thing was collapsing and we barely escaped by jumping out a secret entrance behind the waterfall. Down down down into the water. Now, we’ve got to get back to the villagers and explain to them that my new girlfriend is coming with us.
Plus, what’s this piece of paper now?